Becoming Healthier & Physically Fit

Each day, I wake up with the intention to become healthier and physically fit by eating and exercising right; however; these intentions always get trumped by stress from my everyday life issues.  As a result, I eat, eat, and eat to cope with this stress.  Unless of course, I am depressed then I just don’t eat because my mind is thinking of other things instead of my hunger. 

All my life I have been extremely self-conscious about my weight.  I don’t know if it were my siblings constantly making jabs at me when I was growing up because I was constantly eating OR if it were people at school making fun of me because of my appearance.  What can I say, I love FOOD, especially SWEETS!

Fall 1996 in WV - Freshman Year - 155 lbs

Looking back now I realize that I wasn’t even fat during those times when I was being ridiculed because of my weight.  I really didn’t gain weight that was noticeable until my sophomore year of college.  I didn’t gain the Freshman 15, but the Sophomore 30!  I went from weighing about 155 lbs to 185 lbs.  During my Junior year of College, I tried everything I possibly could to lose the Sophomore 30.  I started going to the College gym with a few close friends to lift weights and do some cardio.  I realized that lifting weights was not for me because I was too embarrassed to be seen lifting weights 60-100lbs less then what by my friends and peers.  As a result, I started running and doing more cardio.  All my attempts during my Junior year to lose the weight was unsuccessful because I wasn’t able to stay at my exercise routine on a consistent basis.  Just like I mentioned earlier, life would happen.  I would become overwhelmed from not having much time studying for exams, work, and having that college experience with my friends that I would put exercising on the back burner.   The constant “fat” comments sent me over the edge the summer after my Junior year as for 1.5 months I became anorexic.  As a result of being severely malnourished, I started having severe nose bleeds at work.  I realized after the fifth nose bleed and almost passing out that anorexia wasn’t for me. 

College Graduation with Stephanie & Beth - May 2000 -185 lbs 

I’d like to be able to say that after college that I maintained my weight at 185lbs, but I can’t.  I maxed out at 215lbs in 2009.  This was a direct result of traveling so much for work, not having the time to exercise as much, and having to eat out a lot while on the road.  Most of the foods I ate while on the road were from fast food restaurants.  I loved to eat at McDonalds and having that big juicy Big Mac!  My favorite part of eating a Big Mac is to dip it in lots of ketchup and intentionally make it fall apart so that I can eat it piece by piece.  All the while, savoring the taste of that delicious Big Mac sauce.  YUM!  Ugh, I am so craving a Big Mac for lunch right now!  That just SUCKS!

October 2009 - 200+ lbs
Going hiking to Kings Mountain, NC

Anyhow, after losing my job in March 2009 I started to finally lose weight.  Part of it was due to eating healthier and exercising right, but most of it was due to severe depression.  I started eating a lot of Smart One frozen dinners and stopped eating out as much.  If I did eat out, I made sure it wasn’t at McDonald’s!  I had lost down to 190 lbs by May 2010.  It was at this point when my house was broken into and my life attempted that my depression went into severe mode.  When this happened my brain was focused on other things instead of realizing that I was hungry and needing to eat.  I went five days at one point without eating before I realized it.  It wasn’t long before I had reached my lowest weight at 159lbs in September of 2010.  It was truly a double edge sword.  I was feeling the best I have ever felt.  I was so comfortable in my own skin, but I had too many family and friends nagging me that I looked so unhealthy because I lost the weight to fast.  A lot of people thought I was sick. 

October 2010 - Approximately 165 lbs
Zombieland - Double Tap!

I was sick.  I was sick, suffering from depression.  I started realizing that around October 2010 and made sure that each day I made a conscious effort to eat even if I didn’t feel hungry.  By January, I was at 170lbs where it fluctuated for a few months from 170-175lbs.  In May, I was able to pull out of my severe depression and was able to put a smile on my face for the very first time in a few years as I now had a plan.  A had a plan for my life.  This plan was built on the fundamentals of courage, strength, and determination that were characteristics of my hero, Melvie, who died in January with Cystic Fibrosis. 

April 2011 - 175lbs
Brother's Wedding

The main part of my plan had me move from Charlotte and back home with my mother for three months.  I am now 2.5 months into this plan and 15lbs heavier then when I left Charlotte.  Yes, I am at 188lbs or so that is what the scales read today when I weighted myself.  Ugh!  I feel miserable.  I hate this feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin.  I believe a lot of this weight is stress eating.  I have been interviewing the last few weeks and the financial pressure I have been feeling is causing me to turn to my true comfort – food!  I have been trying to run to maintain some type of exercise routine, but due to an ankle injury back in the summer of 2009 and the constant gnats I encounter outside, I haven’t been to successful at it.

[Goal #5] Over the next year, I am going to work at becoming more comfortable in my own skin by becoming physically fit.  In order to do this I will need to start eating healthier and exercising more.  I will need to gain an understanding of how my body works.  Specifically, what type of drinks and food I should be putting into my body and what exercises are best suited for me to become physically fit.