Trusting God in Troubled Times

Over the next couple of months, I am doing an independent study on the Book of Isaiah in the Bible.  Isaiah is full of profound insights into the nature of God and His plan for us.   

Isaiah lived during turbulent times when civil war had split the Israelites into North (Israel) and South (Judah).  During this time, people gave into their sinful nature.  Their sinful nature began overshadowing their love for the Lord.  They would give lip service to the Lord and would keep up on the outward appearance of religion but did little more.    The Israelites lost sight of what was right in front of them.  The Israelites were living in troubled times.

I am doing this independent study because I am at civil war with myself.  As I talked about in previous week’s blog discussions, my spiritual life is at “civil war” with my personal life.  During the last 10 years, I have given into my sinful nature becoming a person who I see now as “fake”.  I kept up the outward appearance that I was a Christian, but not inward.  My talks with God became few and far between and my trust in Him turned into trusting just myself.  As we all can see today, trusting in myself didn’t do so well for me.  I am living in troubled times.

[Goal #2 – sub-goal #1] The study I am doing splits the 66 chapters into 24 studies. My goal is to complete two studies per week to where I will be finished after three months.

After starting the first study today, I realized that we all go through hard times and suffering.  Sometimes we look at our lives and wonder what good could possibly come out of it.  Well, I know I do.  As such, I wanted to write about it today in my blog. 

In today’s study, the following passage hit me hard. 

“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.  If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.”  For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.  – Isaiah 1:18-20

The imagery is just amazing to me. 

After reading that passage, I sit here thinking, really?  My heart knows it’s true, but my brain wants to doubt those words.   It’s hard for me at this point in my life to believe that some of my sins, one in particular, can be just washed away so easily.  My brain just can’t grasp how I have the right to a clean slate after things I have done, especially this one thing that was said.  I am aware of repentance, forgiveness, etc. as I have done all that, but still my brain just can’t believe it.  I am in serious troubled times.  Some days I wake up and this flood of anxiety overcomes me.  My heart knows I have repented of my sins and asked for forgiveness, but my brain is telling me that the reason why I haven’t found a job yet after 2.5 years is because God hasn’t forgiven me and that He is punishing me.  I sit here thinking, “am I not repenting or asking forgiveness the right way?” I know in my heart I have.

Isaiah was called by God to help the Israelites.  I am hoping that the Book of Isaiah will help my brain realize what my heart already knows that trusting God is essential in troubled times.  That my sins from the past are just that, the past!